A Letter to Our Sperm Donor

Dear Donor (sorry for the impersonal sounding greeting)

I have tried writing this so many times over the years, and each attempt has ended up in the bin. There are so many things I would like to say, yet, not knowing you, or having any idea of the type of person you are makes this harder than you might think.

Thanks to you, I have five happy, healthy, beautiful children. Yes, you read correctly, five. My Rainbow Tribe, as I affectionately call them. My desire to have children was the one thing in my life that never changed when I came out as being a lesbian at the age of nineteen. I didn’t know how it would happen, but I knew that one day I wanted to, and would, be a mother.

The ‘Hows’ I would sort later…

Being the eldest of four children myself, the urge to have a family of my own was intense. I think my stubborn nature and grim determination actually worked in my favour in this instance, as the path to get to where I am now was fraught with difficulty.

My wife Lisa and I now have five of the most beautiful, gifted, amazing children: three boys and two girls.

I have you and your ‘donations’ to thank for this.

In my own imaginings, you wanted to help people like me who craved a family of their own, but couldn’t without your help. Whether this is true or not really doesn’t matter to me. Your gift has literally given my life meaning, purpose and joy that I can never accurately express in words.

I always intended for my children to have the option of meeting their donor when they were eighteen. However an administrative error at our fertility clinic meant that we were given a donor unwilling to be identified – you. We didn’t know this until a few years ago, when we inadvertently found out when enquiring about something unrelated. It was devastating for all of us, but hardest hit was my eldest boy who is 15. He still struggles with it now, even though he knows it wasn’t our fault. For as long as I can remember, he has wanted to meet you, and having this option completely removed from the table has cut him deeply. My youngest three children are really too young to comprehend the magnitude of this yet, but I envisage that they too, will, at some stage, have questions about you that I cannot answer.

I will deal with that at the time as best I possibly can.

Many years have passed since you first tried your hand (pardon the pun) at the donation gig. I am hopeful that perhaps you are more secure with yourself and your life, and may now possibly see merit in allowing my kids to meet or at least see a picture of you. Obviously, we know nothing of your own personal situation, and we will of course respect whatever you decide. From our perspective it would be wonderful for our children to set eyes on the male who so kindly assisted us in their creation.

It is what it is, and regardless of all else, I will NEVER be anything other than grateful for the amazing gifts you have given me. Lisa and I have a life filled with joy and meaning beyond our wildest dreams.

From the bottom of my heart – thank you.

If you are proud of nothing else in your life, be proud of this.

Your Grateful Recipient.



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